Having kids is a dream of most couples, but no matter how much you want to have kids, at some point, parents realize that it’s tough. Then they start thinking about how “having kids ruined my life.”
YouGov data from 2021 found that one in 12 British parents (8%) say that having kids ruined their lives or they currently regret having kids. Even most of the time, parents feel guilty about thinking this way, and their mental health suffers a lot. It also affects the new human being they brought into this world.
Regardless of the reason you think having kids might not be a great idea, you can be happy and satisfied with kids and make your life adventurous.
Why Do I Feel Having Kids Ruined My Life
You’re not the only parent who thinks that way. In fact, most parents complain about how tough life gets after their baby is born. We, sometimes, over-romanticize the arrival of a baby, as it is quite a natural yet mesmerizing phenomenon to experience.
However, the initial moments may seem amazing and miraculous, but then it turns into sleepless nights and tiring days. Who would not be overwhelmed by the fact that the life of a whole human being is dependent on them?
Everyone tells you that it will get easier with time, but that’s not certainly what you’re experiencing. That’s why you’re here.
So, I tell you that your life has not been ruined but changed. Let me assure you that most parents think that way at least at one point in their life of parenting.
It’s common, so here we have compiled almost 5 reasons why you’re feeling like “having kids ruined my life.”
No More Freedom
The first thing you lose after becoming a parent is freedom. Being a parent is also like a full-time job. Most parents can’t stand this change, as they are often young adults.
Most of the time, mothers are sad about their careers. Having children ruins women’s workspace. Research shows that many women leave their workspace to take care of their children.
Having a full-time job like parenting and staying at home 24/7 and even on the weekends can cause animosity towards your children. But no worries, you’ll be able to enjoy your freedom when your children grow a little bit older.
Sooner Rather Than Later
Timing is really important while planning to have children. You may regret if you plan a child sooner rather than later. Moreover, getting the news of an unplanned pregnancy can also be strange and difficult for couples.
Due to having a child sooner than later, many couples get into clashes, and their relationship may suffer. So before conception, couples should know the responsibilities that come along like health care, clothing, child care, and the cost of food.
Changed Equilibrium of Family
The equilibrium of a family completely changes after bringing a little person into the world. A lot of adjustments are made to help him fit in the home. Some lifestyle changes are made to make the house more child friendly.
Not only this, parents need to leave some habits, hobbies, and desired activities they used to enjoy. And as mentioned earlier, some mothers also leave their jobs to look after their kids. This also sometimes creates financial issues, distorts the family’s equilibrium, and ruins their mental health.
Some parents may want to travel the world while for some, accomplishing something big in their career was their dream. And leaving these dreams and becoming a full-time parent is tough.
But eventually, they get a hold of their life while taking care of their kids, as it is in human nature.
If you’re also worried and thinking “Having kids ruined my life” then don’t get frustrated. Eventually, you’ll get to a point where you’ll be satisfied with the circumstances and have a feeling of accomplishment and pride.
Husband Forcing to Get Rid of the Child
If that’s the reason, both parties should talk to each other either face to face, or through a third party to avoid chaos. The reasons your husband may not want a kid can be;
- Fear of responsibility
- Financial issues
- Childhood trauma
You can talk to your husband and sort things out if this is something troubling you and making you hate your child. As for a single mother, the circumstances are tougher.
Bring Buried Issues to the Surface
Giving birth to a child can either strengthen a relationship or crack down even a rock-solid one. It certainly brings issues to marriages as communication gaps, intimacy, a space left between them, and not spending more time together.
Having a kid in your relationship can also bring some buried issues to the surface. Financial problems, exhaustion, chores, lack of appreciation, sexual needs, disagreements, and having more children and responsibilities can change the dynamics of relationships. The only solution is to talk and figure everything out.
What Can I Do About It?
Having kids and being a parent is a delightful experience but it also brings some negative feelings that you may have ruined your life or are stuck for the rest of your life.
You need to remind yourself of two things. First, you’re not the only one who’s going through this.
And number two, that this feeling is not going to stay forever. You’ll be able to manage everything. You may want to get everything back to normal when you didn’t have a kid and life was easy. Being a parent brings a lot of responsibilities along with it.
Here I’ve enlisted some of the techniques you can use to normalize everything and get life on track after a major event like having a baby.
It Gets Better With Time
With time, you become much more responsible and patient. As having a child is not a one-day experience, but a lifetime responsibility. So, you must learn some skills that are going to help you for a long time.
Before kids, all that you do is adventure and hang out, but after having kids and building up a family, you need to save up, learn to budget, and make the most out of your resources.
Talk to Your Partner
Relationships suffer a lot after having a baby, as it puts a strain on responsibilities and expectations. Sometimes, discussions can go the wrong way, resulting in parting ways.
But that’s not the solution as a baby needs both his parents with him to be raised, cherished, and acknowledged.
So, talk to your partners to sort things out and build your relationship strong.
But sometimes, your partner can’t give you what you might need. In that case, you may ask any family member, friends, or just someone you can trust to give you advice or moral support especially if you are a single parent.
Learn to Raise a Child
Learning the best parenting skills can help you raise children with great ease. Join parenting groups online about raising children or any local group around your society to interact with other parents and learn from their experiences. That’s one of the ways you can learn to raise your children well.
Don’t Ruin Your Child’s Life With You
You may hate being a parent, and it may certainly have taken your privilege to be independent, young, and active. But now the kid is your responsibility. You are the one who brought the baby into this world. He’s counting on you to raise him. You are the only person who can provide the innocent child with everything he deserves.
You can’t just walk away with your eyes closed from your responsibilities and from your little kid. So, don’t ruin your own child and his life along with yours. Treat him with great care and try to give him everything he needs.
You can give him the opportunities you didn’t have to do his best in life and accomplish all the things you couldn’t.
Be easy on him and make your life easy too.
I hope you found this article helpful. In this blog, I tried to compile all the reasons why you might be thinking that “having kids ruined my life.”
I know parenting is a thankless full-time job, but giving birth and raising children is completely normal. A bad person would leave his family at the point when they need him the most.
Now, you can look at these reasons and try figuring out how you can solve them. Moreover, how you can be a better parent despite sometimes thinking your life is ruined by having kids.