Motherhood is a diverse experience. There is no right way to learn it. Some people have a natural instinct to care for others; some don’t. This does not make anyone more of a mother than others.
Being a mother is a happy yet challenging experience, and once you find the right way to get through it, you will see so much of a difference that you’ll be surprised. You need to trust in your own skills and abilities. There is no need to try and be perfect because there is no such thing as perfection, especially when it comes to motherhood. The best way to go about it is to listen to your instincts and try to educate yourself as much as possible, whether from books or any other resource.
Does Motherhood Come Naturally?
The entire notion of natural motherhood is different for every person. Some people are just born with a want to care for others and to nurture others, while others may not feel very strongly about it, or they might not feel anything like this at all. There is no concise definition of motherhood because it is a mix of so many experiences and feelings that one single definition cannot possibly summarize it all. For many women, giving birth to their first child changes their entire natural perspective on everything. They see a shift in their instincts, learning, and adaptive attitudes.
There are certain aspects of motherhood that can be more natural than others, like the bond a mother naturally has with her baby. This bond can be facilitated by hormonal changes, evolutionary predispositions, and the deep emotional connection that often develops between a mother and her child. But motherhood also involves some trial and error when it comes to learning a lot of things. It is common for many women to find certain aspects more challenging than others, and this experience is unique to everyone. These aspects need to be consciously worked on to be perfected over time.
It’s important to remember that not all people who give birth or become parents identify as mothers, and not all mothers give birth or share a biological connection with their children. The experience of motherhood can have a range of family structures and identities, including adoptive mothers, stepmothers, and other caretakers. Ultimately, whether motherhood comes naturally or requires conscious effort can be different for everyone and also change over time. Some people may feel an immediate and intuitive connection to their role as a mother, while others may need to develop their skills and adjust to their new responsibilities.
What Defines Motherhood?
Nothing. The simple answer to this is ‘nothing.’ Motherhood is such a vast field with so many different feelings, experiences, and responsibilities that one cannot even think about coming up with a ‘fit for all’ definition. If taken at its core, motherhood could be seen as a biological or adoptive relationship between a mother and her child, but everyone knows and understands that it is much more than just that.
Motherhood is nurturing, caring, and being emotionally and physically available for a child. It involves raising and guiding a child as he/she goes out in the world and faces different challenges, and goes through different experiences. It means giving the child love, protecting him/her from harm, and guiding him/her. Motherhood also includes the deep emotional bond shared between a mother and her child, trying to give them a safe and secure environment. Not just this, but motherhood is also about the sacrifices, the sleepless nights, the selfless nature, and the tasks that a mother has to undertake to make sure her child gets the best care.
It is not something one can do on a whim. It is something that requires a serious amount of long-term dedication. It is a very personal thing, and every mother has her own definition and experiences of motherhood.
What If Motherhood Doesn’t Come Naturally To You?
Even if motherhood does not come naturally to you, it does not make you any less of a mother. Parenting is a skill most have to learn through experience, and it is very normal if you feel less motivated or uncertain about certain aspects of it. One thing everyone must remember is that no one has all the answers at the start. It is a trial-and-error process where you will 100% make a few mistakes, but as long as you learn from them, you don’t have to worry about anything else.
Coming to terms with the fact that motherhood demands effort and sometimes a little extra help is very important. Getting help from resources like books, parenting classes, online communities, or professional guidance can be very helpful in developing parenting skills and confidence. Your focus should be on building a strong bond with your child, trying to understand his/her needs, and trying to find which parenting style will suit you and your lifestyle better. Try to develop better communication with your child, have empathy toward your child, and most importantly, have patience when they make mistakes or take time to understand things.
Also, it’s important to challenge societal expectations and understand that there is no one “right” way to be a mother. Each person’s journey of motherhood is unique, and it’s important to embrace whatever feels right for you and find what works best for both you and your child. As long as you, as a parent, are committed to the well-being and growth of your child, there are uncountable paths to nurturing and raising a child successfully, even if it doesn’t come naturally at first.
Finding Passion in Motherhood When It Doesn’t Come Naturally
Finding passion in motherhood when it doesn’t come naturally might seem impossible, but this is really just societal conditioning. There is no such thing as a natural mother or natural mothering. There isn’t even a thing like natural birth, but societies and cultures have led us all to believe that there is a right way to do these things, and if anyone does not strictly adhere to these standards, they have done something wrong, but that is not true.
Just because someone does not ‘naturally’ feel motherhood does not make them any less of a mom, and they can develop it too. They just need a little bit of conscious effort and a slight change in their mindset.
First, they must come to terms with the fact that every parent will have their own unique journey and that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Once they come to terms with this, it will be much easier for them to work at their own pace and let go of the illogical societal expectations.
Building a better connection with the child is also a great way to enhance the feelings of motherhood. One can try to spend quality time with their child, listen to and acknowledge their thoughts and feelings, and try to do such activities together, which will make them closer. One can also try to look for activities and hobbies outside of the mother-child relationship. It is very important that both the mother and the child have their own personal identities outside of being ‘the mother and her child.’ When the mother keeps in touch with her goals, ambitions, and hobbies, she can ignite the passion and enthusiasm within herself, making it easier to be more truthful in her role as a mother.
Ultimately, finding passion in motherhood demands self-reflection, keeping one’s individuality intact, and being open to personal growth. By prioritizing the parent-child relationship, exploring personal interests, and changing one’s mindset, it is possible to cultivate a deep sense of passion and fulfillment in the journey of motherhood, even if it doesn’t come naturally at first.
How to Learn and Grow As A Mom
Learning and growing as a mom is a continuous process that involves both self-reflection and trying to find knowledge from various different sources. Here are some suggestions on how to learn and grow as a mom:
- Take time to reflect on your parenting journey and try to find out what has worked well and what areas could be improved. Self-reflection allows you to identify patterns, strengths, and areas for growth. Try journaling or regularly setting aside quiet moments where you look back on your journey and see which parts worked out well and which needed more effort.
- It is very important that you educate yourself on the topic at hand. Try to find as much information as you can about motherhood. Learn more and more about all the different practices and see what works best for you and your lifestyle.
- Joining parenting groups or online communities can really help you. Through these groups, you will find that a crying baby is frustrating for everyone, a child who is finally diaper-free feels like you’ve won an award, and there is no one way to be a good mom. When you find out that people struggle just like you do, you will feel better and more confident about yourself. You can exchange tips, learn some natural remedies and learn so much more from all other great moms doing their best for their children.
- You must get used to the fact that parenting is an ever-changing journey where you will have to make changes, not just in your lifestyle but also in the way you raise your children. What works at one stage will probably not work at another, and you need to be okay with that. It is a dynamic journey, and once you understand that it is okay to modify things as time goes by, it will get much more meaningful.
- Don’t let go of yourself. This is one of the most common mistakes mothers make. Obviously, having a person depend on you for their every single need will be hectic and tiring, but you must take out time to focus on yourself. Just 15 minutes a day to do something that calms you down and recharges you. It could be a hobby, a little exercise, some meditation, or whatever you like. Just don’t completely lose yourself in your child.
- Understand that you will never be perfect. Embrace your imperfections and practice self-compassion. Give yourself grace and allow for mistakes and learning opportunities along the way. Remember that learning and growing as a mom is a lifelong journey.
Books & Blogs About Formal Parenting Topics
Here are some common topics related to formal parenting that you may find helpful:
Positive Discipline:
Positive discipline focuses on developing positive behavior, setting boundaries, and teaching children self-discipline. It is based on teaching the kids respectful communication, logical consequences of their actions, and fostering a cooperative and respectful parent-child relationship.
Active Listening and Communication:
Active listening means being fully present and attentive when your child is expressing any of their thoughts and feelings regardless of how illogical or unimportant they may seem. Effective communication skills help build trust, understanding, and open dialogue between parents and children.
Connection and Attachment:
Understanding the importance of building a strong bond and secure attachment with your child is very important. This topic works with strategies to improve parent-child connection, promote emotional security, and foster a loving and supportive relationship.
Child Development:
Learning about child development, especially before or when you have your first baby, can provide information about what behaviors, milestones, and cognitive, social, and emotional growth are appropriate for what age. It can help parents understand their child’s needs and adjust their parenting approaches accordingly.
Parenting Styles:
Exploring different parenting styles, such as authoritative, permissive, or authoritarian, can help you understand your own approach and consider alternative methods that work better with your values and promote positive outcomes for your child.
What Are Some Tips For Incorporating Natural Parenting Practices Into Daily Life?
Here are some tips to help you incorporate natural parenting practices into your daily routine:
Trust your instincts:
Natural parenting encourages parents to listen to their instincts and intuition when it comes to making decisions for their children.
Breastfeeding and baby-led weaning:
If you choose to breastfeed, establish a nurturing and responsive breastfeeding relationship with your child. Baby-led weaning allows your child to explore solid foods at their own pace and choose what and how much they want to eat. You should also learn about your milk production and see what food can affect it and how.
Babywearing:
Consider using a baby carrier or sling to keep your baby close to you while leaving your hands free. Babywearing promotes bonding, provides comfort, and can be practical for everyday activities.
Co-sleeping or room sharing:
If safe and comfortable for your family members, co-sleeping or room sharing can help create a secure attachment between parent and child, promote breastfeeding, and make nighttime parenting much easier.
Bottom Line
Motherhood is a very diverse experience, and everyone has their own journey. Nothing makes someone more of a mother than another. Whether you had a home birth or went to the hospital, whether you breastfed your child or used formula milk, whether you had a c-section or a natural birthing process, whether you went through pregnancy or adopted a child, your own experiences will define your journey in motherhood. Being a great mom depends on your efforts, not what the people around you say. Even if you have to work on your motherly skills and instincts, there’s no need to get high blood pressure from it. You are just as much of a mom as anyone else; you just need a little effort and practice.
