Most parents deal with a little trouble with their children’s behavior at one point or another, but most children don’t go into constant arguments with everyone and show inappropriate behavior all the time. It is common for it to happen every once in a while, but if it’s a recurrent thing, that is concerning.
It is not uncommon for parents to feel that their kids are out of control and ill-mannered, and they want to do something about it. If your child shouts at you, gets in arguments with you, or just behaves rudely, first try to talk to them about what could be the reason. If that does not work, you can go to a treatment center, seek professional help, or choose a private institution designed to give such unruly kids a wake-up call.
How To Help Your Out-Of-Control Kids
Many parents struggle with the inappropriate behavior of their children, especially at their developmental age. At a young age, children learn how to act and behave while watching others, but the result is not always what one would like. Sometimes, children get a little out of control ad start behaving inappropriately, not just towards those they live with (parents, siblings, etc.) but towards other family members and even strangers. This is a huge concern for many parents, but it is not incurable.
But before talking about the solution, you need to figure out the reason because sometimes children act this way, not due to any fault of their own but because of either some developmental issues or the environment they are in.
Developmental Concerns
Developmental concerns related to out-of-control behavior in children can be because of many factors, such as lack of emotional regulatory skills. It is more common than you’d think. They could have difficulty expressing their feelings properly or become overwhelmed by intense emotions, leading to temper tantrums, aggression, or emotional meltdowns. Or they just don’t have the necessary social skills yet, like sharing, waiting for your turn, or a proper understanding of social cues. This could make it hard for your child to make friends or even simply interact with adults.
Their impulse control could also be a problem. Children who lack impulse control may act without thinking, engage in risky behaviors, or have trouble following rules and instructions. Communication issues can be at play too. Some children cannot communicate what they need or want, and this could lead to frustration or anger.
There could also be other serious problems, like ADHD or sensory issues, which can make them act out without much thinking. Children who have experienced trauma or high levels of stress can also exhibit out-of-control behavior as a response to anything they find hard to do. Not just this, but the family environment and parenting styles can also have a very serious effect on a child’s behavior. This can actually result in serious problem like conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder if not treated.
Behavior Assessment
It is very important to do a behavior assessment of your child before reaching any conclusion. Paying attention and understanding their behavior is important for going for the right interventions and support strategies.
One fundamental aspect of the assessment is direct observation. This means closely monitoring the child’s actions, reactions, and interactions in various settings, such as at home, school, or in social situations. Observing how the child responds to different situations and how they interact with people and authority figures can give you a lot of information.
Also, interviews with the child, parents or caregivers, and teachers can help gather information about the child’s history, experiences, and possible triggers for their behavior. Understanding the child’s perspective and how they perceive their actions can shed light on their emotional state and thought processes.
Furthermore, psychological assessments by a mental health professional (preferably a licensed therapist) or other local resources should be conducted to identify any underlying emotional, cognitive, or developmental issues that could be contributing to out-of-control behavior. This can involve standardized tests, questionnaires, and interviews conducted by qualified mental health professionals.
Once a thorough assessment has been conducted, you can then plan what will be in the best interest of your child.
Is This A Recurring Thing
One other thing you need to focus on is whether or not the out-of-line behavior is recurrent. Children will, inevitably, at one point or another, do something a little inappropriate, rude, or out-of-line. That is normal. But what is not normal is the behavior becoming recurring. This can seriously affect their relationships with everyone around them, their academics, and even their own well-being.
If something is not done to stop it, not only does this become a normal thing for them (so they don’t think anything is wrong with behaving that way), they might end up harming someone or themselves if things don’t go the way they are used to.
Not everyone will treat your child the way you do as a parent. It is important they understand the way to carry themselves in this world if they want to be able to form genuine connections with people and excel at life. Out-of-line behavior will not be tolerated by most people and can land your child in serious trouble.
Places To Send Your Out-Of-Control Child
Boarding Schools
Boarding school has become quite popular for ‘fixing’ their defiant child. Sending a troubled child to a boarding school is seen by some as a way to remove them from the negative influences they come across in their local school and home. However, this decision is not that simple and should not be taken lightly.
A boarding school or even foster care can offer a highly structured and supervised setting, which could be beneficial for some out-of-control children who need strict routines and boundaries. By being away from home, they will have fewer distractions (like cell phones) and negative influences that could be the reason they were behaving out of line. Also, some boarding schools have small groups of experienced staff trained in dealing with behavioral issues and can provide specialized therapeutic support, art therapy, and inpatient treatment.
On the other hand, boarding schools may not be suitable for all out-of-control children. Some kids could react negatively to the sudden change in their environment, which could further worsen their behavior problems. Moreover, these schools can be expensive, making them inaccessible to many families. The decision to send a child to a boarding school should involve open communication between parents, the child, and professionals to make sure it is the right choice for the child’s specific needs.
It is very important to consider whether the child’s issues stem from deeper emotional or psychological challenges that require more specialized attention. In such cases, therapeutic boarding schools or treatment centers would be more appropriate, as they can provide intensive therapy and a structured environment to address complex behavioral and emotional issues.
Wilderness Programs
Wilderness programs have also gained popularity in recent years as a potential solution for parents dealing with challenging behaviors. These programs, often referred to as wilderness therapy or teen programs, are basically sending uncontrolled children, young people, and troubled teens into the wilderness to engage in therapeutic activities and outdoor sports specifically designed for personal growth and development.
Wilderness camps are seen as a good option for parents who have tried other methods and parenting skills without success. The nature of these programs, where participants are removed from their familiar environment and routines, can provide a fresh perspective and a break from negative influences that may have been the cause of issues for troubled children.
The wilderness setting also offers an opportunity for self-reflection on one’s own identity, as participants are encouraged to confront their challenges and make positive changes in a supportive and controlled environment. During their time in wilderness programs, participants typically do various activities such as hiking, camping, and survival skills training. These experiences are designed to teach important life skills such as how to respect authority, problem-solving, teamwork, communication, and self-control.
While wilderness programs have shown promising results for some participants, they are not without controversy. Critics argue that the effectiveness of these programs is not well established through rigorous scientific research, and there have been concerns about safety and ethical issues in some cases. It is important for parents considering wilderness programs to thoroughly research and carefully select a reputable and licensed program that promises to have the best practices and prioritizes the safety and well-being of the participants.
Boot Camps
Boot camps have also become a suggestion as a potential solution for parents dealing with out-of-control children. These programs are often marketed as structured and disciplined environments that aim to correct severe behavioral problems in troubled teenagers. While the idea of sending a child to a boot camp could seem appealing to some desperate parents seeking immediate results, it is essential to carefully consider the potential consequences and effectiveness of such an approach.
Potential consequences
First, it is important to know that boot camps are not universally accepted as a successful intervention for out-of-control children. Many experts in child psychology and development caution against the use of boot camps, as they may use harsh and even physically abusive methods that can be detrimental to a child’s mental and emotional well-being.
These programs often adopt a one-size-fits-all approach, disregarding the unique needs and circumstances of each child, which may exacerbate existing issues rather than resolve them.
Second, the long-term effectiveness of boot camps is questionable. While some children may show improved behavior due to the strict environment, the changes are often short-lived once they return to their regular lives. Without addressing the root causes of the child’s behavioral problems and providing ongoing support and counseling, any positive impact achieved during the boot camp may quickly go away. Furthermore, the experience of attending a boot camp can be traumatic for a child. Being separated from their family and familiar environment, coupled with the intense and rigid structure of the program, can lead to feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and even resentment, which, in severe cases, can lead to self-harm, getting involved with the wrong crowd, or illegal activities.
Rather than opting for something like this, try more thoughtful treatment options focused on addressing the root causes of the child’s behavior and providing appropriate emotional help in a safe environment, which are likely to be more effective in changing the ongoing problem and instilling good behavior in the child.
Is It Even OK to Send My Kid Away?
Sending a child away is not an easy decision that requires careful consideration. There are situations where it may be considered the only option, such as boarding schools for better educational opportunities or specialized programs, which could be beneficial. In some cases, parents may choose therapeutic programs or treatment centers to address severe behavioral or emotional issues that cannot be effectively handled at home. But you should not just make these decisions on a whim. Do thorough research, compare descriptions, and carefully select a licensed and reputable program whose priority is to help children with their consistent anger, bad behavior, traumatic events, and coping skills.
Before making a decision, it is important to explore other alternatives as well. Family sessions, therapy, or community support might be more suitable for addressing the child’s needs without the need for separation. Understand the potential emotional impact on the child and the family as a whole, including feelings of separation, abandonment, or stress, which could affect them in different developmental stages. The decision-making process should involve the child as much as possible, taking their opinions and preferences into account.
Bottom Line
Dealing with troubled teens or children is not easy, but it is definitely something you can get them out of. Understand that this will hurt them more in the future than it is causing you problems now. Boarding school or wilderness camp is a good idea to give your uncontrolled child a change of place and let them focus on themselves in a controlled environment. Ask your family members close to the child (leave the very strict family members out because they can do more harm than good) and work on what will be the best solution. Sometimes, the best solution is not a change of environment but psychiatric help, so if you think that your child’s behavior is not appropriate, maybe get them a session or two with a mental health professional first.
