Relationships always come with their set of highs and lows. No matter how long you have been together, you will always have days when you probably don’t want to see each other’s faces! Marriage and relationships are not always rosy and beautiful. But when you throw in the curveball called pregnancy, life and your relationship take a complete 180-degree change!
While some couples grow closer and their love grows deeper with changes that happen in nine months, some find it difficult to cope and grow distant. Pregnancy and childbirth are some of the most beautiful phases in any woman’s life; however, they are also the toughest. Crazy hormone levels, discomfort, zero bladder control, and the stress of preparing yourself for the new baby can be too much sometimes. Along with all this, if you have to deal with a selfish husband during pregnancy, then it can make things even more difficult!
How do you handle a husband being unsupportive and selfish during your pregnancy? What if you are feeling all alone and sad during the time when you are supposed to be pampered and filled with joy and laughter?
Why Do Relationships Fail During Pregnancy?
Pregnancy is a wonderful time in any couple’s life, but it can also be difficult. You may have had a happy marriage all along, and your husband or partner might have been ecstatic with the pregnancy news. However, it is quite possible that after the initial happiness sets in and you face what is coming ahead, things can change.
When you are pregnant, the whole focus is on you and the pregnancy journey. In fact, you as a mom-to-be might focus all your energy on what’s coming next and might be preparing for the baby’s arrival, taking care of your body, and decorating the nursery. As a result, your relationship may take a backseat. The connection between just you and your partner might take a hit.
Pregnancy also means a whole lot of change and sometimes as a couple, you might not be ready for all these changes. This results in frustration and anger, and eventually resentment toward each other.
Your husband, at times, might not be able to understand what you are going through and sometimes men find it difficult to express their emotions. He might be dealing with thoughts about whether he will be a good father or whether he is ready to have a baby. All of these emotions, when not communicated appropriately, can affect the relationship.
It is important to communicate, share, and express your feelings. Every successful marriage is based on being honest and communicating with each other; pregnancy will only be a joyful and beautiful journey if you talk to each other.
Your body is creating a new human and you are at the mercy of your hormones. It might be difficult for your husband to understand this. This is especially true in the first trimester, when you might feel nauseous, drained, and tired with all the new changes within you. He might feel left out and feel rejected because of everything you are going through.
How Should Your Husband Treat You During Pregnancy?
Pregnancy is a time when couples should ideally come closer than ever before. It is a life-changing experience; in fact, you two are literally building a new life together and that should be reason enough for you to do everything in your power to create an environment where the tiny tot will feel loved and welcomed.
But when it comes to pregnancy, it is fair to say that women have to do pretty much everything because, obviously, we have the uterus! While your husband can’t physically feel what you are going through or help you by sharing the pain, it does not mean there isn’t much he can do.
He can be a team player and be with you every step of the way, starting with making you feel loved and safe! Your body is changing and you are bound to feel like you are losing yourself and how you used to look or feel, so your husband needs to make you feel loved and appreciated. This goes without saying for any partner out there!
From being your shoulder to cry on when those pregnancy mood swings kick in to keeping those snacks ready when the hunger pangs attack, your partner must make you feel supported during this time. If this is your first child then you need all the love and support in the world because you might be feeling all the more anxious.
As you fight morning sickness, hormonal changes, fatigue, and losing bladder control, your husband needs to be there for you. Feeling supported has never been more important. Being your pillar of strength and support is your husband’s most important job during the next nine months!
What Husbands Should Not Do During Pregnancy?
Men are not usually great at communicating and they feel the need to hold on to their feelings. This can especially be true when their partner is pregnant.
Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or not being able to deal with all the pregnancy symptoms is normal. In fact, sometimes partners might take longer to process the fact that they are going to become a father because they are not physically going through the change.
However, when your husband starts acting distant or you feel rejected, that is when it can be an item of concern. If he is asking you to go for your prenatal check-ups alone, not accompanying you for your ultrasounds, or is always looking for an escape plan whenever you want to discuss the nursery, then he is being an unsupportive husband.
If this is your first baby together, then it is natural for him to take a while to process this information and get over his anxieties, but he should be there for you every step of the way, regardless of his fears.
Your husband should not be questioning you or getting angry at you every time you have mood swings, nor should he be talking about how different you are looking or how you are changing. Your husband should not feel threatened with this newfound bond you are forming with the baby. In fact, he should be helping you with your hormonal changes, calming you down, and making you feel relaxed and comfortable with all the new changes.
If you notice that your husband is being selfish, unsupportive, or is having a hard time adjusting to this new phase, then there are a lot of family welfare centers that provide counseling, help, and even therapy to deal with these feelings.
Why Is Your Husband Not Being Supportive During Pregnancy?
There are multiple reasons why your husband might have suddenly become unsupportive or selfish during your pregnancy. Here are a few:
- Fear of Responsibility
Having a baby means getting your act together because now you are responsible for another human being. You and your husband have to be ready not just emotionally and physically but also financially. It is possible that your husband would be worried about the additional financial responsibility coming his way.
- Lifestyle Change
With a newborn at home, new parents can’t go out and meet friends or family or hang out socially, as they used to before. The initial few months are especially tough. If your husband has a friend who recently became a father, then he might have witnessed how drastically life will change. He might be worried about all the lifestyle changes he will have to make for the baby and isn’t ready for it.
- Afraid of What’s Coming
If you are a first-time parent, then your partner is probably feeling overwhelmed and anxious and that’s the reason he is being a selfish husband. With all the pregnancy symptoms and dearth of information, he may be feeling lost and does not know how to help. This might make him appear to be an unsupportive husband.
- Unplanned Pregnancy
If it is an unplanned pregnancy, then it can be a trickier situation. While you might have got over the initial shock and are feeling joyous and ready to start this new journey in life, he might still be trying to accept the fact that you are pregnant! It might take him longer to process and get on board with a life-changing event like this.
- Feeling Threatened
Pregnancy changes your whole relationship because now there is a new person in between you and your husband and he might not be ready to share you. He might feel alone or feel threatened by this new child that is going to enter your life. This can make him selfish and seem like he does not care about it. However, in reality, he is just trying to fight off his feelings and accept what is happening.
No matter what the reason, a selfish husband will only make your pregnancy more stressful and difficult than it should be. Figure out why he is acting the way he is, and then find a solution for it together because you need each other’s support every step of the way in this beautiful journey.
How Can I Help My Uncaring Husband During Pregnancy?
Once you figure out why your partner is being unsupportive or selfish during your pregnancy, there are multiple ways you can help him and therefore help yourself.
- Talk It Out
Communicating with each other is the best way you can help your selfish husband. While some men are like pros when it comes to handling pregnancy mood swings, hormones, and everything that comes with it, some take a little more time or are clueless as to how they can help. If your husband is acting distant, talk to him and let him know how he can help you and support you.
- Give Him Time
If you are expecting your first child together and you just found out this big news, give him some time to process this information. He might not be jumping over the couch with excitement as you are. This is especially true in cases where the pregnancy is an unplanned one. Sometimes all he needs is some time to adjust to everything that is happening around him!
- Attend a Pregnancy Course Together
No parent ever said that they are ready for everything or they know everything about raising a baby. Even couples who have had kids before are unsure or clueless sometimes because every pregnancy is different and every child is different. Take a pregnancy course together, either in-person or online. Choose the one that best suits you as this will prepare you and your husband for the emotional and physical changes ahead. This will also help him be more supportive and understand what you are going through.
- Take Him Along for Every Appointment
When he is there with you at every checkup or ultrasound, the whole thing will feel more real to him. Seeing the baby or the heartbeat on the ultrasound scan might make him feel closer to you and your baby.
- Go for Couple’s Therapy
Sometimes talking, giving time, or taking courses together does not help. During your pregnancy, your husband might still be making you feel alone. This might make you feel rejected and you might feel that your marriage is falling apart. If this is the point it has reached, then it is time to get professional help. Go for couple’s therapy or enlist the help of a family welfare center that can help both of you deal with this situation. Husbands are given help and taught about how they can be more involved and supportive of a pregnant wife.
Bizzie Mommy’s Advice on Selfish Husband During Pregnancy
Getting pregnant might feel like a blessing, but it can also be tough. If your husband is being selfish or unsupportive, understand that you are not alone and he is not the first man to behave like this. It does not mean your relationship is failing; you are just going through a difficult phase.
Give him time, get professional help, and, most importantly, talk to him. He might be feeling alone, just like you, because of this new connection you have with the baby. Only when you talk to each other can you find a solution. If, despite all your efforts, your husband is still acting distant and selfish and making you feel more stressed and alone during this time, then step out of it for a while. Make your life and your child’s life most important and ask him to get his act together before you guys can be together. Sometimes, spending some time away from each other can give you a better perspective.
Do what works for you, but make sure you enjoy this journey!