Hurtful But Real, Why Are Daughters Mean To Their Mothers?

why are daughters mean to their mothers

As a parent, it can be frustrating when your child rebels and expresses their anger through unkind words or behavior. A mother-daughter relationship is often expected to be close, but various factors can cause their bond to weaken. It is important to consider that daughters may have valid reasons for showing distance or lack of support toward their mothers.

Many cultural and generational factors affect how daughters perceive their mothers, which can lead to mother-daughter conflict. Usually, adult children don’t show unkindness to their mothers without a good reason. So, it’s important to understand why they’re upset with you.

Grown daughters often display unkind behavior towards their mothers because they perceive them as overly authoritative, emotionally or physically distant, or excessively curious.

Sometimes, children may say unkind things when they are caught up in the heat of an argument. However, it’s important to acknowledge that these statements have little meaning, so there’s no need for a more in-depth examination.

In this blog post, we will explore the underlying factors contributing to why are daughters mean to their mothers and aim to help maintain a healthy mother-daughter relationship.

Why Are Daughters Mean To Mothers?

Why are daughters mean to their mothers is a multifaceted issue that stretches beyond only adult children. Mother-daughter relationships are extremely complex, with numerous factors. According to some psychologists, the tie between a mother and her daughter may be more important than any other relationship in a woman’s life, especially when that bond gets stressed.

This situation might arise when there is a power imbalance or unresolved childhood issues. Also, many teenage girls have learned how to control their thoughts about their moms so they don’t cause them pain or make them feel like they’re not good enough when they’re around.

It’s not strange when you think that a grown daughter can be rude and mean to their mom. According to Psychology Today, daughters frequently disrespect their moms more than sons. This occurrence can be ascribed to a number of variables, which will now be discussed.

Initially, daughters frequently have a strong urge to demonstrate their worth, both to their moms and to society as a whole. Furthermore, many women experience a shift in authority after becoming moms. Power, as it is understood, can be quite complex.

Indeed, it is not only females who feel this way; boys can often carry similar feelings of judgment and dissatisfaction toward their mothers during times of sorrow or fury. Daughters frequently express their rage openly, using loud or insulting language, whereas sons tend to hold their rage inside or target it at others.

In comparison to sons, daughters typically demonstrate less positive behavior toward their mothers. This is because daughters have a greater need for validation and approval during this phase of life. Thus they make fewer demands. Some daughters fight to establish their superiority or domination over their moms.

Reasons For A Daughter Being Mean To Their Mother

There exist many factors that may contribute to an adolescent daughter being mean and rude toward her mother. However, these are the prevailing reasons behind the conflicts that arise between an adult child and their mother:

Taking Their Decisions For Them

Deciding things for daughters without considering their opinions and autonomy can possibly impact their behavior and emotional responses toward their mothers in a negative way. Daughters may experience frustration and resentment when they are consistently deprived of the opportunity to exercise their own decision-making abilities.

As a result, they may display aggression or hostility toward their mothers to show their hidden emotions and establish their independence. This behavior could be due to a sense of powerlessness and a longing to regain control over their own life.

To help strengthen the relationship between a mother and daughter, it is very important to demonstrate respect for the daughter’s independence, actively listen to her thoughts and desires, and encourage open and honest communication. This will aid in creating an environment of trust and understanding.

Mother Is Judgmental

Did you communicate your thoughts with your daughter as she grew up? Did you say too many mean things about her behavior, looks, or other things? If this happens, your kids might think you are judgmental.

Having a mother who criticizes her can make it difficult to find happiness, and she might exhibit low self-esteem. Maybe you had really high expectations for your kids that were more than what she was capable of achieving. You have good intentions, but a young child might not comprehend fully.

If a child fails to meet their mother’s expectations, they might question their own value. She might believe that she lacks what you require. Considering the prevailing mindset, it is possible that future generations might lose hope and develop a sense of indifference.

Enhancing a healthy relationship with your daughter is not a difficult task. It means avoiding using unnecessary arguments or comments. Indeed, it is of utmost importance to express gratitude in order to facilitate your advancement.

Mother Is Controlling

When you face difficulties in managing your daughter’s behavior, do you start controlling her? If this were to happen, it might suggest one of the main reasons why daughters mean to their mothers.

As much as you want the best for your children, there are times when you have to let them make their own decisions. When moms are too controlling with their daughters and make decisions for them, their relationships can slowly break down.

A reason why a daughter might rebel against a controlling mother is that the daughter may feel that when mothers make choices for them, it shows that the mothers don’t believe in their daughter’s ability to make decisions on their own.

When moms trust their daughters, it’s important for them to let them make their own decisions that affect their lives. Even though those choices might not align with your wishes, as their motherly figure, it is crucial for you to offer them your support and help according to your role.

Too much control can harm the relationship between mothers and daughters because it can prevent daughters from growing and developing. During the early years of your daughter’s life, it is normal for moms to make all the decisions for them. But when they are grown, do not hurt your daughter’s emotions and maintain healthy boundaries for a trusting relationship.

However, an important part of growing up involves the ability to come to your conclusions on your own. Without the ability to do so, daughters may feel angry toward their controlling mothers and display mean behavior.

A key part of building a successful partnership involves both people giving each other support and help. Your child has the ability to make choices in her life that may not align with your personal agreement, including things like her career path, lifestyle choices, and fashion preferences. However, it is very important to give her the freedom to make her own decisions so that she can create her own special identity.

Always Looking Through Their Personal Stuff

Mothers are frequently inclined to stay informed about all the happenings at home, including their daughters’ activities and whereabouts. Mothers can sometimes display a certain level of curiosity and nosiness, even though their intentions are good.

Girls, particularly those in their teenage years or beyond, require a certain level of privacy. While she was young, she used to share every detail, but it’s crucial to recognize that you should not anticipate the same level of openness now that she is grown.

Mothers who excessively involve themselves in their daughters’ personal affairs may discover mother-daughter relationship difficulties. Societal expectation makes mothers a little nosy, and a mother’s attempts to breach her privacy and blame her daughter for her being mean is pervasive.

If you are that one mother, your behavior is not making your daughter feel safe, and she’s struggling for her identity.

Being Absent From Their Life

Being Absent From Their Life

Daughters often display unkind behavior toward their moms because of the occasional absence and lack of dependability shown by them. This is especially true when the daughter is growing up in a household led only by a mother or in a home without a father.

The mother might not have been present in educational or professional environments, making it difficult for the daughter to rely on her for emotional support or guidance. Her reliability may have been in doubt, as indicated by possible instances of dishonesty regarding her expected return time from work or planned destinations.

As a result, your grown child may feel abandoned, upset, and confused, as she expects you to be their reliable source of support but seems to show less care toward them.

Too Much Pressure On Daughters by Them

Often, these situations can lead to the daughter feeling overwhelmed and experiencing increased levels of stress. When an event happens, the child may feel a sudden surge of emotions toward her mother, which helps to relieve her increasing tension.

Often, the child is not purposely being mean; she just lacks the necessary skills to handle her considerable burden. If you are a mother who feels that your daughter is consistently causing you excessive stress, it is important to find ways to reduce the pressure she experiences.

This can help prevent your daughter from reacting negatively toward you and worsening the situation. Sometimes, conversing with your daughter about the problems she’s facing can help her find better ways to deal with those challenges.

It is important to remember that girls often go through many changes during their teenage years. From now on, kindly consider reprimanding her. Try to show your daughter understanding and acknowledgment while avoiding her negative and mean behaviors during this time. You, as a mother, can get through this tough moment if you demonstrate courage and empathy.

Ways To Deal With Your Grown Kids

Parents hate giving up control over their adult children, and these youngsters hate being governed by others. This might inflame both parties, but these steps can settle it:

Keeping boundaries is important

Your adult child has grown up and has a life of their own. They can correct their negative behavior on their own because of this. Healthy boundaries are the guidelines that both parties settle upon to promote more understanding and less friction. You know what is best for your family as a parent.

Stop entitlement

Your kid has no right to treat other family members disrespectfully. Conflicts between parents and their adult children are frequently the result of this. Stop it by solving the issue.

Discuss with family

Keep your kids from mistreating their siblings. Discussing the problem with all family members can solve the issue.

Evaluate your behavior

This circumstance demands honesty. Are your kids getting enough attention? Reflect and truly comprehend their perspective.

Stop shouting

If your adult daughters act out, ignore them and leave the place before having a heated conversation. Good parents shouldn’t allow their child’s conduct to impair their self-esteem.

Talk to a family therapist

Like couples therapy, you may talk to a therapist about your daughter’s conduct. It’s crucial to realize that parents and children share different emotions. A therapist can help you grasp and interpret the story’s diverse perspectives.

A Mother-Daughter Attachment Model is being developed that tries to figure out what is going on mentally when moms and girls of all ages promote healthy coping mechanisms.

Final Thoughts

There are several reasons why grown-up daughters are cruel to both of their parents, but mother-daughter conflict is particularly common.

If your little girl is being cruel to you or their father, there are a few things you may attempt to modify the way she behaves toward you. You will need to be patient and prepared to hear some hard home truths. However, you can improve your connection with your daughter.

It will almost certainly be a long and tough journey, but there are actions you can take jointly to aid your adult daughter in respecting you, resulting in a better relationship.

Stephanie Edenburgh

I'm Steph, a mom to 3 beautiful children and lover all things having to do with my family and being a mom. I've learned a lot raising my own children and working in education and healthcare roles throughout my career. Living in beautiful Southern California I enjoy documenting and writing about all of the hard work us mom's do on a daily basis.

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